:S

have i been searching too hard?

why is it, that everytime i leave someone, that someone always turns out to be the one who loves me the most? who cherishes me the most? who is the truest to me?

i know that when the truth finally sets in, and all the dust settles, I know that i'll be torn.

running solely on adrenaline.

i am yixin. seeking friends. true friends. nothing more, nothing less.

friends i noe will be there for me when i whine about the headache, about the doctor, about the bills, and then tell me tt im such a whiner bt still care for me anyways. friends like my ba lurvelies, my jc peeps... friends like silas, fazli ..

yes guys, i still rmb u. hw we used to eat curry puffs tgt at the mama shop. talk abt everything. hung in there tgt. supported each other. u guys were my best buds. seriously.



would i have chosen to live in ignorance and not know the truth? i don't know. i really don't.
one part of me wishes to noe that he loves me too. really really loves me. another part of me just wishes that he doesnt love me at all. so it's easier for me to move on.


so torn.
torn.
t
o
r
n




oh. and yixin has decidedly stopped her meds of her own accord despite having full knowledge of the consequences. sick and tired of meds. really. sick and tired of being sick.