wats wrong with me?

i was really tired today. had originally hoped that this next course of medication would be better than the first. but no, tt was sadly not to be. so im feeling horrible, yes. this post will be a short and depressing one.

had 2hrs slp last night. n came back cos (thanks emms!) emms reminded me tt i had to send the option form over to HQ. so i came back to sign the option form, and oso to meet julie and fg. had abt an hr's rest in the aft lying on the cold floor of the living room.

went to east coast park cos julie wanted to see the ocean (shes deprived) n yea well. i forgot how much i loved the ocean, how much i loved the sea. (pics nxt time - can't get it up cos well, bluetooth not working, usb not working, and adaptor's not with me) got quite some thoughts i guess. -melancholic-

well then aft tt we went to tekka for dinner. had prata. yes, i noe, its a) curry b) fried c) oily. yes i noe. bt when the whole group goes for tt, u cant possibly say i dont eat anything right? so now yixin's paying the price. i think imma go puke later or sth.

den went to clarke quay for tcc. yes. clarke quay. tcc. well, seems like some of the information tt we learnt on that excursion really paid off! well, and yea basically julie and me took train from clarke quay to clementi den cabbed home from there. cos shes staying at my place u see? and shes got a bad leg so she cant really climb tt slope so yea cabbed frm clementi. and it cost $7.20! hai.



im doing wrong things again. maybe im nt ready. or maybe, im just not cut out for it. maybe i should stop trying. shld yixin give up nw?


i no longer have any confidence in myself. even the teeniest tiniest little bit of confidence is gone now.

what is my value in this world? what is my purpose here? dont worry, yixin wld nvr entertain thoughts of suicide. i just sometimes lose my vision. i sidetrack, i veer away, n i cant find my way back.

now, i'm lost in the rainforest. seems tt there is a hand guiding me back. bt im afraid of gg back. when i reach the main road, will i be able to fit in like before? will everything be the same? what would have changed? can i cope with the change? what is the situation going to be like?
so i withdraw. n reject. n distant. i dont want to face d uncertainties. yet, i dont want to be lost and alone again.


-sick- imma go relieve my stomach of its contents now.